Out of the Mouths of 14-Year-Olds

Posts without pictures are boring, but posting pictures of your students is illegal and I don't have any anyway.

Here is some hilarious dialogue that has taken place in my classroom in the last little while:

"How do you say poop in French?"

Student: "I left my pencil in ceramics class!"
Me: "Uh oh...do you want to borrow mine?"
Student: "No, mine is a mechanical pencil, it's special. Wait, I have it. No I don't. Yes I do. No I don't."

Me: "Everyone, it's time for the French song of the week."
Student 1 (groaning): "Noooooo. I hate French music."
Student 2: "At least it's better than really boring music like Einstein or Mozart."

Student 1: "Does anyone here drive a minivan?"
Student 2: "Madame Lee drives a minivan."
Student 1: "Who would drive a minivan if they don't have kids?"
Me: "I do not drive a minivan."
Student 2: "Madame Lee, don't deny what you drive."

Me: "How was the rules refresher assembly?"
Student 1: "Boring and stupid."
Me: "What rules were refreshed?"
Student 1: "No drugs and no swearing and no mooning."
Student 2: "What's mooning?"
Student 1: "It's when you pull your pants down so everyone sees your butt cheeks."

Me: "Out of all the French teens we read about, pick one that you'd like to hang out with and get to know better."
Student: "They're all lame!"

Student: "What else should I say in my letter to a soldier?"
Me: "Things about you. Talk about your interests. How about I like math and spaghetti?"
Student: "I don't like spaghetti!"
Me: "Well, what do you like then?"
Student: "Spaghetti's okay..."

Student: "How do you say your mom in French?"
Me: "Ta mere."
Student: How do you say is so fat?"
Me: "No."
Student: "Please?"

Me: "How was Reality Town?"
Student: "It wasn't even a town. It was a bunch of lame booths in the gym, so ghetto."

Student 1 (reading off his hand): "Hey everybody, there's a party tonight at _______ South _______ West in Sandy."
Student 2: "That's my address."
Student 1 (laughing hysterically): "The funny part is that there's actually no party, and I said your address."

Me: "My first CD I bought was the Tarzan soundtrack."
Student 1: "Waste of money!"
Me: "I listened to it all the time, and it cost me twelve hard-earned dollars."
Student 1: "Twelve dollars back then is probably like a hundred dollars now."

Me: "How was the perfect attendance party? I heard you guys got donuts!"
Student 1: "Yeah, but they were the same donuts we got at the maturation class last year, so they remind me of that."
Student 2: "Nobody wants crappy maturation donuts."

Me: "Okay, everyone, please put the textbooks away carefully on the shelf...don't just chuck them."
Student: "Everyone, chuck the books!"