How Was Your Halloween?

Ours was perfect. We slept in until 11, went to the gym, and ate a late breakfast at Village Inn. We redeemed some coupons for free cookies and put up drapes in our house. We went to the grocery store and saw some appalling costumes. We had pizza and apple cider while watching "Teen Wolf."
The absolute best part is when Scott locks himself in the bathroom and is horrified by his sudden wolfish appearance. His dad comes to the door and tells him to open up and after awhile, he opens the door to see this:
So unexpected, and so hilarious.

If It Weren't For Him...

...I would still think that Chuck Norris was a character from a tall tale, like Paul Bunyon.

...My feet would never get rubbed.

...I wouldn't open my phone during the day to find texts like this: "I'm listening to Les Mis music and crying like a fool" or "Baby!" or "My boss isn't here and the riffraff employees are getting dangerously belligerent."

...I would never have such animosity for ESPN.

...Our toilet would still be clogged.

...There would be no one to eat all the weird leftover food I don't want.

...I would never know about great music like Sigur Ros and Arcade Fire and Pinback and Band of Horses.

...I wouldn't be such a harsh critic of movies.

...I would never have jumped off a bridge into the River Seine.

...I would never feel so loved.

Help

Russ approached me tonight and said, "Our babies are going to be malnourished and have scurvy and bow legs if your diet is just Ramen and fruit snacks."

I had no retaliation, because he's right. Not about the scurvy, but about my pathetic diet.

Those who know me well know that I can't cook. Really. My mom is an excellent cook, and somehow none of her skills got passed down to me. I've been married for two years and I can count all the meals I have made on one hand.

I need to be better. So I am asking you, if you have any pity, to send me your recipes. Easy ones. So easy an idiot could make them. That's what I am in the kitchen. Just to be sure, I asked Russell, "I'm not that bad am I?" and he said "I plead the fifth."

If you have anything good and easy that is more healthy than Ramen, email me at aubreylee21@gmail.com.

Thank you ahead of time.