Thursday, February 23, 2012

Out of the Mouths of 14-Year-Olds

Posts without pictures are boring, but posting pictures of your students is illegal and I don't have any anyway.

Here is some hilarious dialogue that has taken place in my classroom in the last little while:

"How do you say poop in French?"

Student: "I left my pencil in ceramics class!"
Me: "Uh you want to borrow mine?"
Student: "No, mine is a mechanical pencil, it's special. Wait, I have it. No I don't. Yes I do. No I don't."

Me: "Everyone, it's time for the French song of the week."
Student 1 (groaning): "Noooooo. I hate French music."
Student 2: "At least it's better than really boring music like Einstein or Mozart."

Student 1: "Does anyone here drive a minivan?"
Student 2: "Madame Lee drives a minivan."
Student 1: "Who would drive a minivan if they don't have kids?"
Me: "I do not drive a minivan."
Student 2: "Madame Lee, don't deny what you drive."

Me: "How was the rules refresher assembly?"
Student 1: "Boring and stupid."
Me: "What rules were refreshed?"
Student 1: "No drugs and no swearing and no mooning."
Student 2: "What's mooning?"
Student 1: "It's when you pull your pants down so everyone sees your butt cheeks."

Me: "Out of all the French teens we read about, pick one that you'd like to hang out with and get to know better."
Student: "They're all lame!"

Student: "What else should I say in my letter to a soldier?"
Me: "Things about you. Talk about your interests. How about I like math and spaghetti?"
Student: "I don't like spaghetti!"
Me: "Well, what do you like then?"
Student: "Spaghetti's okay..."

Student: "How do you say your mom in French?"
Me: "Ta mere."
Student: How do you say is so fat?"
Me: "No."
Student: "Please?"

Me: "How was Reality Town?"
Student: "It wasn't even a town. It was a bunch of lame booths in the gym, so ghetto."

Student 1 (reading off his hand): "Hey everybody, there's a party tonight at _______ South _______ West in Sandy."
Student 2: "That's my address."
Student 1 (laughing hysterically): "The funny part is that there's actually no party, and I said your address."

Me: "My first CD I bought was the Tarzan soundtrack."
Student 1: "Waste of money!"
Me: "I listened to it all the time, and it cost me twelve hard-earned dollars."
Student 1: "Twelve dollars back then is probably like a hundred dollars now."

Me: "How was the perfect attendance party? I heard you guys got donuts!"
Student 1: "Yeah, but they were the same donuts we got at the maturation class last year, so they remind me of that."
Student 2: "Nobody wants crappy maturation donuts."

Me: "Okay, everyone, please put the textbooks away carefully on the shelf...don't just chuck them."
Student: "Everyone, chuck the books!"

Thursday, February 2, 2012

I Hate Eating Healthy

My fourth period class got over and the students raced out the door, eager for their lunch break.

I, however, took my time gathering my things and locking my door. With a heavy heart, I made my way down to the faculty lounge, where I knew my lunch was waiting for me.

Spinach salad. With chopped strawberries and cucumbers in it. And strawberry vinaigrette dressing.

One of my 2012 goals is to eat better - I'm sure everyone has this goal, but I'm also sure mine is the only one that is subheaded with the following plea to myself: Stop eating so many Pizza Lunchables. They will kill you.

So at the grocery store, I spent more time in the produce section and filled up on fresh food. Then I brought it home and even woke up early to make my lunch ahead of time.

But. What it doesn't say on the bag is that spinach actually tastes terrible and won't fill you up at all. No one ever finds themselves craving leaves. I resented every bite of my brachiosaurus lunch and would take the sodium-filled over-processed Lunchable any day, simply because of its ability to cheer rather than to depress.

I hate healthy eating. No matter how hard you try, every bite makes you more irritable and wish that you had just gone with a Domino's pizza or a Carl's Jr. hamburger instead.